I think I’m going to start posting snippits from agent websites. Honestly – these people should write. Some of them are an absolute hoot.
Today I came across something on a few UK agents websites that made me squeamish. It basically went like this:
- If you are a Pulitzer or Booker Prize winning author, then you just might be good enough to submit to Agent X – but probably not. Reality is you probably suck and she’d just as soon spit on you.
- But if you submit anyway (dumbass that you are), then you’ll probably be rejected.
- When Agent X rejects you (which she will you jackass), she recommends you contact Consultant X.
- Consultant X will charge 300pounds (or more) to look at your query and make recommendations.
- Consultant X and Agent X work closely together.
- Agent X often accepts queries that have been vetted by Consultant X.
- In fact – if you want a chance at being accepted by Agent X, you’d probably be better off just going to Consultant X first.
- When Consultant X thinks your manuscript is pitch perfect, she will send it to Agent X.
- If Agent X takes on your manuscript and sells it, she takes 20% and Consultant X gets 5%.
Sound fishy to you too? It sounds really fishy to me. Like Agent X and Consultant X are in a literary shenanigans bed together just looking for novice writers who don’t really understand the business that they can stick it to.
What this little arrangement does, is quite sneaky actually. I might actually think it was clever if I had no moral compass.
Real agents don’t charge a reading fee. Period. Plain and simple. They’re not allowed to charge a reading fee if they’re part of the AAR.
Consultant X charges a reading fee. That’s the point. Consultant X will read your query for a fee then pass it on to the agent.
It all sees a little bit too clean and convenient to me.