All About Me! ME! Fabulous ME! – Or, Tackling the Author Bio

I don’t do well writing about myself. How am I supposed to condense all that is me into a paragraph without coming across as a monstrously self-absorbed jackass? My new publisher sent me a fill in the blank page that includes a brief biography. It’s not that I believe myself to be either uninteresting or even boring, I just don’t know what to say. I don’t suffer from an excess of modesty. I have no problem talking about me. I’ve bored more than one man rigid across a restaurant table detailing the in’s and out’s of what makes Livia so gosh darn great! But writing about myself… what am I supposed to put in a paragraph that will sum up the wonder that is me? What could anyone learn about me in a paragraph that would be of any use? Do I mention that I like older men, dislike attention-seekers (probably why I loathe writing about myself), and prefer pistachio ice-cream over peach? Do I confess that I like to knit, Jude Deveraux was my first hero, and that I’m terrified of actually finding success? What am I supposed to include? What shouldn’t I include? I tried a few things. Every time I put something down, it read like a personal add. So I went with that. This is what I came up with…

Were I to write a personal add about myself it would read as follows:

Blond. Blue. 5’6”. A lady never discloses her weight, but I’ve never had any complaints. I only run if I’m being chased by a gun wielding maniac, but I do love yoga. Bit of a shoe hound. Have had issues passing up handbags. Trying to learn to play the Irish harp. Enjoy both theater and concerts. Love to read fantasy and science fiction. Am not ashamed to admit I adore Star Trek. Have a picture of myself (dressed as a nun) and the late Patrick Swayze (dressed as a medieval warrior) in a frame (Yes – I did cry when he died). Perpetual student with advanced degrees that are mostly useless when seeking job opportunities outside academia. Vivid imagination. Sexually adventurous only on paper. I never know what to say when people end a conversation with ‘god bless’. Occasionally play the lottery – but generally only when I’m feeling really poor. Love to travel. Fluent French speaker. Seeks readers whom enjoy what I write.

Honestly… does this snippet of info about me make you want to rush out and buy my next book? Does it make you want to stalk me? Do I sound like a snot? Do I sound boring? If I really had to I could probably put down ten pages about me. But do I want to reveal that much about myself?

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